You get to leave the past behind, and create your future with your present thoughts.
I can’t sleep so I will create my gratitude/affirmation list for the day:
I am alive. I am breathing. I am seeing, I am talking, I am walking & I can hear you loud & clear.
I am abundant and I am prosperous. Whatever I desire comes to me continuously & unexpectedly. I receive abundance in many different ways. I am thankful for the money that I have and enjoy it to the fullest. I am open to receiving more.
I am healthy and I am strong.
I am creative and full of ideas. My creativity manifests in many different ways.
I am thankful for every person & thing in my life.
I love myself and I love and accept you as you are.
I work hard and deserve the best.
I am learning something new everyday. I am having fun. I will not limit myself.
The cosmic kitty approves.
It’s 4:30am and I can’t sleep. I figured this was a good time to be thankful & post about my good fortune. And after all the complaining I’ve done on this blog, it’s time to turn it around.
People might see me now and think I’m weird and believe in kooky stuff – but hey if it works I say why not give it a try? You have nothing to lose in trying something different. And so that’s what I did, I bought a money candle that I thought would help me in getting exactly what I want – more money. And it worked.
Here’s the thing about me – I’m quiet and tend to not speak up for myself, especially if I think I’m in a good situation & asking for more just makes me seem ungrateful. Not to say I allow myself to be used & abused, but I’m patient and can wait.
Anyway, I could just chock it up to another random experience but I knew it wasn’t random; I’ve learned to meditate & visualize what I want so I knew that by focusing my will, I was making things happen.
Of course I still had my doubts, as any human would. But I also believed & wished for it just as much. It certainly didn’t happen in a matter of days, more like months. But time flies when you’re older…
So thank you universe, I am content. My mind can rest for a bit now. now I just have to help my other half get a job, and that’s been a real struggle.
The first time I used “Save the Savages” was when I needed a title for this painting. This is the Santo Niño (aka Holy Child, aka Baby Jesus) and he (it) is a popular religious icon in the Philippines. Growing up as a kid, this figure was present in the house – I didn’t even have any concept of God & religion yet, but I sure do remember this statue watching my every move. I couldn’t even tell if Santo Niño was a boy or a girl – as it looks androgynous to me & still does to this day.
It wasn’t until my late teens/early 20’s that I really started paying attention to our history – that the Philippines was colonized by Spain. That Filipinos had an indigenous history prior to that. That these icons were put in place to put us in place. That those who didn’t believe in Jesus Christ were basically savages, is what I got out of it.
Thus, the title of this painting from 2007 (which sold, surprisingly) and my current internet alias / website name.
Can’t sleep so here I am just rambling, spewing verbal vomit. Been thinking about suicide & death again; and the older I get the more I understand why someone would do it. I’m not contemplating it by the way, I’m just typing/thinking out loud. My life is easy compared to most and yet there is still a lingering despair that creeps in from time to time. It’s not quite a state of depression, but maybe a short version of it. I try to be conscious of my own thoughts but sometimes I drift into hopelessness; like what else is there? And why am I still alive? The death of my mom affects me still (out of nowhere sometimes), and there are days when I don’t want to live. But I know everyone experiences this to a certain degree so I don’t feel as bad. Because of my own awareness, I make myself snap out of it & remind myself that I have it good. That I am healthy, that I am loved. That there is a purpose for my existence even if I don’t see it. That I have to keep going somehow.
Our worst enemy is our own mind.
I wonder if I had a different lifestyle – stayed busy constantly, filled my life up with activities, maybe even had a kid…would I feel any different? Or would I just be burying my despair even deeper, by actually hiding it?
Remember when blogging was more of a personal thing? Now that major brands big & small have caught on, it doesn’t seem as personal. Now people blog to promote something – so they can stay relevant, rank on Google & promote their business or product – rather than blogging just to express anything personal or creative.
I kinda miss those personal blogs. As soon as we got older & more experienced, we close up because we’re too aware of what people might think – that we might offend someone or sound lame when we’re writing out our thoughts…
Always on, always connected. I painted this girl when our TV was broken; the back cover was taken off and the tv’s motherboard was exposed.
In typical fashion, I deleted my first account because I’m slowly morphing into an antisocial creature most of the time and can’t handle too many people electronically & in real life. But I am back and will attempt to stay and post regular drawings & paintings. I hope this will get my art game back up. Also, I need to stay off the computer more often after work because my eyes have gotten blurry and I was experiencing double vision for a minute. It made me feel like an old person & I’m not quite there yet. So…
Save the Savages on Instagram
The mind never rests until it gets what it wants. It is always thinking, always looking forward to the next thing. It is never satisfied. Existence is suffering.
It’s been a while since I’ve written in here. I just completed 10 weeks of Front End Web Development class; I really learned a lot and I’m happy that I can use this for work-related stuff – which I’m already doing. There were times when I wanted to drop it, I didn’t want to drive to Santa Monica, blah blah blah, excuses excuses but I stuck it out. It also helps that my instructor was very helpful and encouraging. Even though I am naturally quiet and don’t ask a lot of questions, I really appreciated the whole learning experience and it was inspiring to see everyone’s final project.
I hope to keep the learning spark going. It’s quite easy to get demotivated and to slip back into laziness. This post is a reminder to not get lazy!
Quick watercolor painting, festive colors for the Christmas holiday. I hope to fill up this website again with more of my drawings & paintings. Shermgrafik.com will be 10 years old in 2014! The website and myself have evolved / changed so much since 2004. I never imagined myself as someone who would eventually grasp Web Design & Development, let alone know how to code. Technology changes rapidly and I’m still finding myself learning something new every day.
and I’m kinda mad at myself for not doing so. I keep putting it off, like it’s this huge undertaking that I have to do…but I know it doesn’t have to be. I hope to start making it a regular habit again, and not be so harsh on myself if I’m not creating anything cool or worthy of a social media post. Just allowing my mind to wander on paper.
Some people probably wonder why I don’t paint graffiti as much as I used to. The answer to that is: I don’t know.
Perhaps all the magical & alluring things that attracted me to it in the first place have gone. Maybe I just got old and lazy. Maybe certain life events made me lose motivation & my desire to paint / create. Maybe I was building up my ego through it and it no longer serves me. Maybe I put a lot of my time & energy at work. I don’t know. I’m trying to figure it out myself. I’m still hoping I will get that fire back but in the meantime – I’m focusing on just living a simple life, enjoying it day by day and learning the things that I want to learn for personal growth (and to keep myself employed).
The bottom line is: it doesn’t really matter what people think…as long as YOU’RE happy right now. And I am happy with the life I created for myself.
I look back and wonder who this person was – the person who painted bunnies, clouds & ice cream themes at some point. Only a handful of people know me from that world now, while most others know me as their quiet, hard-working, quirky & artistic co-worker.
Still the same person but older & different I guess. A paradox.
I wish I had more interesting things to say on here; but most of the time I am just a broken record, perpetually bitching about something work-related. Hooray.
Most of the things that irritate me have to do with other people. So what’s the solution here…not work with people? That in itself just sounds impossible and ridiculous. Sure it might be fun for a little bit. And as much as I can’t stand working and being around too many people we all need someone to bounce ideas off each other.
I am a small group type of person myself. I work best with people who are open-minded and have different points of views, but we can also come to an agreement on something without our egos getting in the way and move forward. I can’t stand when people make me change things based on their personal preference or because they don’t like something or because they just “know it all”.
So where is this post going and why is it called “Attitude adjustment”? I’m trying to keep my negativity to a minimum. I no longer want to dwell on it or express it too much because if I do…that is all I will continue to get in return. Not to say I’m going to be this super happy, positive, optimistic person 24/7, but I’m sure you get my drift.
It’s all about intentions and manifesting good things.
Medium: Pen and watercolor
Size: 12″x 12″
Email: firstname.lastname@example.org if you are interested in purchasing this painting (unframed).
This painting came out of nowhere for me; meaning I didn’t plan on creating such a composition, it just turned out that way. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been learning to trust my intuition more (even though a lot of the times it just sounds like I’m talking to myself silently A LOT); and that is what this painting sort of reflects.
Whenever something I love becomes popular or trendy, I lose interest; I tend to go the opposite way and look for something else to get into. Same goes with subject matter in my artwork; if other people start to paint the same things, then it’s time for me to change it up. I might be going in a weird direction and nobody might not like it as much, but does it matter? If it feels right to you, then that’s all that matters. And so here I am on this lonely trip to nowhere, exploring the outer regions of nothingness…
I keep trying to figure out where it is I actually fit in…and I’ve come to realize that I really don’t (or won’t ever) fit in anywhere. And so be it.
The Hermit card has been coming up a lot for me. When you look at the card, it doesn’t seem like anything is going on (an old man on top of a mountain, carrying a stick and lantern). And yet he carries a lantern that is illuminated; everything is happening inward for the Hermit, going on some kind of journey and searching within yourself, questioning things about your life, coming up with your own answers and getting to know yourself better along the way so you don’t repeat certain destructive thought patterns.
To those who feel alone, just know that you are never alone. There are unseen energies constantly guiding you, helping you on a very subtle level.
To those who feel like nothing’s happening for them in this life, be patient. Things never happen at the time you want them to, but they will happen. It will all make sense when you look back later on.
I’m still learning about the tarot; what I’ve discovered in the last few months is that every time I pull cards (around 3 to 5), certain cards will appear to me over and over every few days or so until the person or event it’s alluding to comes in to your life and then you say to yourself ‘Ah, so that’s what it was’. Well today, Death appeared to me this morning unexpectedly; but as today’s events unfolded, the card made total sense.
Divinatory meaning: an important ending that will initiate great change. It signals the end of an era, a moment when a door is closing.
I can’t sleep so here I am talking to myself…
– work’s been whatever. too many pointless meetings and I hate it. I want out but not even sure what I want to do next; I think as long as I’m designing, learning, growing and being challenged; have awesome, drama-free co-workers and not have to be in stupid meetings, I’m happy. I don’t have too many demands. life’s never perfect though, there’s always some kind of catch even when I get what I want.
– because work’s been whatever, I’ve been considering going part-time or freelance or both. Oh and btw, if you or someone you know needs a simple website done, I can do that.
– other than that, life’s been good to me. I really can’t ask for anything more than maybe a bigger place to live. I used to want more money, but even that comes with more stress and expectations to do more than what’s on your plate. I also want to visit friends minus the travel anxieties.
– I had a great weekend; it’s good to be around genuinely nice, chill people. I’d like to thank my husband for getting everything handled. I would be lost without him.
– I’d rather be alone and have no friends than associate with douchebags; if that’s the company you keep then I probably won’t come around. too many people play the fake humble card now, I can still see right through you. you may be an awesome artist to the clueless, adoring public but first impressions don’t lie; you’re still a mega-douche.