Saving & posting stuff I find.
I’m about to ramble so here goes:
I wanted to post this before the year ended, but I’ve been busy with work & the holidays and all. 2014 was a good year, very different from 2013 – steady busy but very mellow at the same time and it flew by pretty fast. It gave me more time to think about things rather than just act on it. Lots of time by myself so I was able to write in my journal consistently. I learned to meditate more. Was more conscious of my decisions, was more present than ever. And just because I haven’t painted graffiti or created any art doesn’t mean my creativity has come to a standstill; rather it manifested in other ways – mostly at work and when I create hand drawn stuff for friends & family. I was never really an art hustler and I don’t care about being famous. Kudos to people who can do that. I really like web design & marketing, that’s where the bulk of my creativity has gone. Not too many people know that I’ve been working in the Adult Entertainment industry for the last 4-5 years now, I feel comfortable working in this industry. I feel like I can be myself, I never have to put up a front for anyone or be less of myself. And even though it’s adult-oriented, I know my work makes an impact on people because someone just recently ripped off my work. Not once, but TWICE. The saying holds true: if your work is good, someone’s bound to copy it. I still aim to become a full stack Web Developer eventually. I have even considered (for a very brief moment) getting a degree in Computer Programming but my math skills were never strong and I just don’t have that kind of money. I don’t know what 2015 is going to bring; all I know is I want to be physically and mentally strong. I want to be smart & savvy with my finances, I would also like more money. The handful of friends that I have continue to inspire me.
Some other random noteables: I adopted a cat (even though I’m very allergic), I am making it work by taking allergy pills. And I got the tattoo that I really wanted.
I want everything we do to be beautiful. I don’t give a damn whether the client understands that that’s worth anything, or that the client thinks it’s worth anything, or whether it is worth anything. It’s worth it to me. It’s the way I want to live my life. I want to make beautiful things, even if nobody cares.
— SAUL BASS
I keep trying to figure out where it is I actually fit in…and I’ve come to realize that I really don’t (or won’t ever) fit in anywhere. And so be it.
The Hermit card has been coming up a lot for me. When you look at the card, it doesn’t seem like anything is going on (an old man on top of a mountain, carrying a stick and lantern). And yet he carries a lantern that is illuminated; everything is happening inward for the Hermit, going on some kind of journey and searching within yourself, questioning things about your life, coming up with your own answers and getting to know yourself better along the way so you don’t repeat certain destructive thought patterns.
To those who feel alone, just know that you are never alone. There are unseen energies constantly guiding you, helping you on a very subtle level.
To those who feel like nothing’s happening for them in this life, be patient. Things never happen at the time you want them to, but they will happen. It will all make sense when you look back later on.
I’m still learning about the tarot; what I’ve discovered in the last few months is that every time I pull cards (around 3 to 5), certain cards will appear to me over and over every few days or so until the person or event it’s alluding to comes in to your life and then you say to yourself ‘Ah, so that’s what it was’. Well today, Death appeared to me this morning unexpectedly; but as today’s events unfolded, the card made total sense.
Divinatory meaning: an important ending that will initiate great change. It signals the end of an era, a moment when a door is closing.
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Man’s most destructive qualities unleashed. Great caution and awareness necessary in business or personal relationship. (Morgan-Greer tarot deck booklet)
This is the first card I pulled of the first day of the year. Though the image is powerful and ominous, I’ve acquainted myself with the image of the devil over the years, so much that I no longer fear it. It is a representation of man and what we are capable of when we don’t put ourselves in check.
The years following my mom’s passing, my subconscious turned to dark energy – books, music & imagery for solace. She was a Christian woman who always shoved religion down my throat and so when she passed, it felt natural to explore the opposite of Christianity.
Though I don’t subscribe to any religion now, I’m learning every day that both forces are needed – dark/light, positive/negative, what we perceive to be good/bad to live a balanced life.
How fitting that this card would come up in the time of Capricorn.
The card above represents my zodiac sign, Sagittarius. Combination of forces, realization, action based on accurate calculation; the way of escape, success after elaborate manoeuvres. This card is from the Thoth deck, beautifully illustrated by Lady Frieda Harris.
The change that I was looking for (see my blog post about the Magician a few months ago) was not anything material (like a new job, which I thought was going to happen). I thought that was what I wanted to happen – because that’s what I normally do when I don’t like my work situation, but apparently I’m still here for whatever reason I have yet to discover.
Anyways, the change was on a spiritual, more personal level. Learning the tarot has enhanced my way of thinking and allowed me to unlock all this hidden knowledge that’s connected to it. I basically fell into the rabbit hole of the unknown, yet made known to those who genuinely seek it. I didn’t even have any intentions of learning the tarot; my only (logical) explanation for this is that I was so bored and unchallenged at work for some time now; my life, art, whatever passion I had…was not moving in any direction. The universe somehow answered my call and here I am, forever transformed. I’m not where I want to be yet, but at least I know and trust my intuition that I am on the right path. I will forever be the student, trying to understand the greater mysteries of life.
I’m learning more about the Tarot and I came across her short bio that came with the Rider-Waite deck. I thought it was worth scanning and posting. Why? Because sometimes, art that people can relate to (and see themselves in) is more valueable than our ego. Not to say that our egos don’t need to be fed. She died not knowing that her illustration work she created in her lifetime would have purpose and meaning for people and generations to come. Often times with art, the payoff doesn’t come until we are [physically] gone.