Pia, sometimes known as “SHERM” is an artist / designer from Los Angeles, CA. Keeping it short and sweet because studies show that nobody gives a crap. More info here.
Can’t sleep so here I am just rambling, spewing verbal vomit. Been thinking about suicide & death again; and the older I get the more I understand why someone would do it. I’m not contemplating it by the way, I’m just typing/thinking out loud. My life is easy compared to most and yet there is still a lingering despair that creeps in from time to time. It’s not quite a state of depression, but maybe a short version of it. I try to be conscious of my own thoughts but sometimes I drift into hopelessness; like what else is there? And why am I still alive? The death of my mom affects me still (out of nowhere sometimes), and there are days when I don’t want to live. But I know everyone experiences this to a certain degree so I don’t feel as bad. Because of my own awareness, I make myself snap out of it & remind myself that I have it good. That I am healthy, that I am loved. That there is a purpose for my existence even if I don’t see it. That I have to keep going somehow.
Our worst enemy is our own mind.
I wonder if I had a different lifestyle – stayed busy constantly, filled my life up with activities, maybe even had a kid…would I feel any different? Or would I just be burying my despair even deeper, by actually hiding it?
Sorry for neglecting you. But I’ve spent years customizing you, filling you up with original content and now I barely pay attention to you or log on to see my stats. You see, you were a major part of my ego. And that ego was self-serving, never satisfied & always wanting more. I had built it up for years, only to finally break it down. But that’s a good thing, because I learned so much along the way & no longer desire it…at least not for myself.
Even though I am not completely free of this ego, it doesn’t get in the way as much. Sometimes I am still competitive, and want to come out on top without even realizing it. Sometimes I’ll talk shit, but then who doesn’t? But most of the time now, I just don’t care. I still aim to do my best though in whatever I do and that’s what I mainly care about.
So thanks for being a part of me. I am trying to save money these days, like be on a real budget like a real adult and shit. And so I have been debating on whether to let you go (domains & web hosting) just to have less payments.
So maybe the next time all 5 of my regular visitors decide to visit, there won’t be a shermgrafik / savethesavages.com no more. And if you read this, you will know why.
Warning! Nerd rant. This post is probably only important to me because it’s my website. I had to retire my other theme (Shaken Grid) because it started acting janky. I spent the entire weekend trying to make it work (notice the Spray Paint section is having to be redone because that’s where the problems started) but it just wouldn’t work anymore and I was getting bummed & frustrated. So I was searching for another grid theme that was simple & offered a dark color because it’s way easier on my eyes. I have tried going white a few times with my website and it just didn’t gel. Anyway, I am still tweaking this theme so if you visit, you might see weird stuff happening or maybe not.
4 years late to discovering the Geocities-sizer! Here is a screenshot of my website. How cool! I’m so amused, only because I used to love customizing my MySpace profile & adding a tiled background to my website – it was my favorite thing to do. What a nerd. I’m sure I have those backgrounds saved somewhere too and plan on putting it on my website soon.
Remember when blogging was more of a personal thing? Now that major brands big & small have caught on, it doesn’t seem as personal. Now people blog to promote something – so they can stay relevant, rank on Google & promote their business or product – rather than blogging just to express anything personal or creative.
I kinda miss those personal blogs. As soon as we got older & more experienced, we close up because we’re too aware of what people might think – that we might offend someone or sound lame when we’re writing out our thoughts…
In typical fashion, I deleted my first account because I’m slowly morphing into an antisocial creature most of the time and can’t handle too many people electronically & in real life. But I am back and will attempt to stay and post regular drawings & paintings. I hope this will get my art game back up. Also, I need to stay off the computer more often after work because my eyes have gotten blurry and I was experiencing double vision for a minute. It made me feel like an old person & I’m not quite there yet. So…
The mind never rests until it gets what it wants. It is always thinking, always looking forward to the next thing. It is never satisfied. Existence is suffering.
It’s been a while since I’ve written in here. I just completed 10 weeks of Front End Web Development class; I really learned a lot and I’m happy that I can use this for work-related stuff – which I’m already doing. There were times when I wanted to drop it, I didn’t want to drive to Santa Monica, blah blah blah, excuses excuses but I stuck it out. It also helps that my instructor was very helpful and encouraging. Even though I am naturally quiet and don’t ask a lot of questions, I really appreciated the whole learning experience and it was inspiring to see everyone’s final project.
I hope to keep the learning spark going. It’s quite easy to get demotivated and to slip back into laziness. This post is a reminder to not get lazy!
Quick watercolor painting, festive colors for the Christmas holiday. I hope to fill up this website again with more of my drawings & paintings. Shermgrafik.com will be 10 years old in 2014! The website and myself have evolved / changed so much since 2004. I never imagined myself as someone who would eventually grasp Web Design & Development, let alone know how to code. Technology changes rapidly and I’m still finding myself learning something new every day.
and I’m kinda mad at myself for not doing so. I keep putting it off, like it’s this huge undertaking that I have to do…but I know it doesn’t have to be. I hope to start making it a regular habit again, and not be so harsh on myself if I’m not creating anything cool or worthy of a social media post. Just allowing my mind to wander on paper.
If one person takes advantage of a situation and eventually gets caught…
usually his or her peers are the ones who have to pay for it.
Be mindful of your actions and be considerate towards your fellow man / woman.
Some people probably wonder why I don’t paint graffiti as much as I used to. The answer to that is: I don’t know.
Perhaps all the magical & alluring things that attracted me to it in the first place have gone. Maybe I just got old and lazy. Maybe certain life events made me lose motivation & my desire to paint / create. Maybe I was building up my ego through it and it no longer serves me. Maybe I put a lot of my time & energy at work. I don’t know. I’m trying to figure it out myself. I’m still hoping I will get that fire back but in the meantime – I’m focusing on just living a simple life, enjoying it day by day and learning the things that I want to learn for personal growth (and to keep myself employed).
The bottom line is: it doesn’t really matter what people think…as long as YOU’RE happy right now. And I am happy with the life I created for myself.
I look back and wonder who this person was – the person who painted bunnies, clouds & ice cream themes at some point. Only a handful of people know me from that world now, while most others know me as their quiet, hard-working, quirky & artistic co-worker.
Still the same person but older & different I guess. A paradox.
I wish I had more interesting things to say on here; but most of the time I am just a broken record, perpetually bitching about something work-related. Hooray.
Most of the things that irritate me have to do with other people. So what’s the solution here…not work with people? That in itself just sounds impossible and ridiculous. Sure it might be fun for a little bit. And as much as I can’t stand working and being around too many people we all need someone to bounce ideas off each other.
I am a small group type of person myself. I work best with people who are open-minded and have different points of views, but we can also come to an agreement on something without our egos getting in the way and move forward. I can’t stand when people make me change things based on their personal preference or because they don’t like something or because they just “know it all”.
So where is this post going and why is it called “Attitude adjustment”? I’m trying to keep my negativity to a minimum. I no longer want to dwell on it or express it too much because if I do…that is all I will continue to get in return. Not to say I’m going to be this super happy, positive, optimistic person 24/7, but I’m sure you get my drift.
It’s all about intentions and manifesting good things.
Medium: Pen and watercolor
Size: 12″x 12″
Email: firstname.lastname@example.org if you are interested in purchasing this painting (unframed).
This painting came out of nowhere for me; meaning I didn’t plan on creating such a composition, it just turned out that way. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been learning to trust my intuition more (even though a lot of the times it just sounds like I’m talking to myself silently A LOT); and that is what this painting sort of reflects.
Whenever something I love becomes popular or trendy, I lose interest; I tend to go the opposite way and look for something else to get into. Same goes with subject matter in my artwork; if other people start to paint the same things, then it’s time for me to change it up. I might be going in a weird direction and nobody might not like it as much, but does it matter? If it feels right to you, then that’s all that matters. And so here I am on this lonely trip to nowhere, exploring the outer regions of nothingness…