Pia, sometimes known as “SHERM” is an artist / designer from Los Angeles, CA. Keeping it short and sweet because studies show that nobody gives a crap. More info here.
It’s 4:30am and I can’t sleep. I figured this was a good time to be thankful & post about my good fortune. And after all the complaining I’ve done on this blog, it’s time to turn it around.
People might see me now and think I’m weird and believe in kooky stuff – but hey if it works I say why not give it a try? You have nothing to lose in trying something different. And so that’s what I did, I bought a money candle that I thought would help me in getting exactly what I want – more money. And it worked.
Here’s the thing about me – I’m quiet and tend to not speak up for myself, especially if I think I’m in a good situation & asking for more just makes me seem ungrateful. Not to say I allow myself to be used & abused, but I’m patient and can wait.
Anyway, I could just chock it up to another random experience but I knew it wasn’t random; I’ve learned to meditate & visualize what I want so I knew that by focusing my will, I was making things happen.
Of course I still had my doubts, as any human would. But I also believed & wished for it just as much. It certainly didn’t happen in a matter of days, more like months. But time flies when you’re older…
So thank you universe, I am content. My mind can rest for a bit now. now I just have to help my other half get a job, and that’s been a real struggle.
The first time I used “Save the Savages” was when I needed a title for this painting. This is the Santo Niño (aka Holy Child, aka Baby Jesus) and he (it) is a popular religious icon in the Philippines. Growing up as a kid, this figure was present in the house – I didn’t even have any concept of God & religion yet, but I sure do remember this statue watching my every move. I couldn’t even tell if Santo Niño was a boy or a girl – as it looks androgynous to me & still does to this day.
It wasn’t until my late teens/early 20’s that I really started paying attention to our history – that the Philippines was colonized by Spain. That Filipinos had an indigenous history prior to that. That these icons were put in place to put us in place. That those who didn’t believe in Jesus Christ were basically savages, is what I got out of it.
Thus, the title of this painting from 2007 (which sold, surprisingly) and my current internet alias / website name.
I know a few blog posts ago I mentioned wanting to transition to Front End Web Development eventually; well that hasn’t really happened and I still have half my foot in print & half in web design. I was recently asked to do some simple video editing/light motion graphics work and I realized that I enjoy doing that too. It’s been a while since I’ve done that. So basically I need to stop putting myself in a box & just learn whatever the hell I like. I was thinking that if I finally just focus on ONE THING, and be really good at it that I could finally say I know how to do this 100% and possibly even demand more money for my skills. But that was never the case for me – I’ll always have my hand in something whether it’s print, web design, marketing/seo, video editing, motion graphics, logo design, production (aka grunt work) and so on. I guess I’ll always be a jack-of-all-trades when it comes to design.
And to add to the list of things I still want to learn & be good at: Cinema 4D & After Effects.
As for the physical stuff – whether to take boxing or Krav Maga, I’m still undecided. Mostly because of money. It’s always about the money.
California living is getting more expensive, I’ve been wondering about other places to live.
I’m about to ramble so here goes:
I wanted to post this before the year ended, but I’ve been busy with work & the holidays and all. 2014 was a good year, very different from 2013 – steady busy but very mellow at the same time and it flew by pretty fast. It gave me more time to think about things rather than just act on it. Lots of time by myself so I was able to write in my journal consistently. I learned to meditate more. Was more conscious of my decisions, was more present than ever. And just because I haven’t painted graffiti or created any art doesn’t mean my creativity has come to a standstill; rather it manifested in other ways – mostly at work and when I create hand drawn stuff for friends & family. I was never really an art hustler and I don’t care about being famous. Kudos to people who can do that. I really like web design & marketing, that’s where the bulk of my creativity has gone. Not too many people know that I’ve been working in the Adult Entertainment industry for the last 4-5 years now, I feel comfortable working in this industry. I feel like I can be myself, I never have to put up a front for anyone or be less of myself. And even though it’s adult-oriented, I know my work makes an impact on people because someone just recently ripped off my work. Not once, but TWICE. The saying holds true: if your work is good, someone’s bound to copy it. I still aim to become a full stack Web Developer eventually. I have even considered (for a very brief moment) getting a degree in Computer Programming but my math skills were never strong and I just don’t have that kind of money. I don’t know what 2015 is going to bring; all I know is I want to be physically and mentally strong. I want to be smart & savvy with my finances, I would also like more money. The handful of friends that I have continue to inspire me.
Some other random noteables: I adopted a cat (even though I’m very allergic), I am making it work by taking allergy pills. And I got the tattoo that I really wanted.
Can’t sleep so here I am just rambling, spewing verbal vomit. Been thinking about suicide & death again; and the older I get the more I understand why someone would do it. I’m not contemplating it by the way, I’m just typing/thinking out loud. My life is easy compared to most and yet there is still a lingering despair that creeps in from time to time. It’s not quite a state of depression, but maybe a short version of it. I try to be conscious of my own thoughts but sometimes I drift into hopelessness; like what else is there? And why am I still alive? The death of my mom affects me still (out of nowhere sometimes), and there are days when I don’t want to live. But I know everyone experiences this to a certain degree so I don’t feel as bad. Because of my own awareness, I make myself snap out of it & remind myself that I have it good. That I am healthy, that I am loved. That there is a purpose for my existence even if I don’t see it. That I have to keep going somehow.
Our worst enemy is our own mind.
I wonder if I had a different lifestyle – stayed busy constantly, filled my life up with activities, maybe even had a kid…would I feel any different? Or would I just be burying my despair even deeper, by actually hiding it?
Remember when blogging was more of a personal thing? Now that major brands big & small have caught on, it doesn’t seem as personal. Now people blog to promote something – so they can stay relevant, rank on Google & promote their business or product – rather than blogging just to express anything personal or creative.
I kinda miss those personal blogs. As soon as we got older & more experienced, we close up because we’re too aware of what people might think – that we might offend someone or sound lame when we’re writing out our thoughts…
In typical fashion, I deleted my first account because I’m slowly morphing into an antisocial creature most of the time and can’t handle too many people electronically & in real life. But I am back and will attempt to stay and post regular drawings & paintings. I hope this will get my art game back up. Also, I need to stay off the computer more often after work because my eyes have gotten blurry and I was experiencing double vision for a minute. It made me feel like an old person & I’m not quite there yet. So…
The mind never rests until it gets what it wants. It is always thinking, always looking forward to the next thing. It is never satisfied. Existence is suffering.
It’s been a while since I’ve written in here. I just completed 10 weeks of Front End Web Development class; I really learned a lot and I’m happy that I can use this for work-related stuff – which I’m already doing. There were times when I wanted to drop it, I didn’t want to drive to Santa Monica, blah blah blah, excuses excuses but I stuck it out. It also helps that my instructor was very helpful and encouraging. Even though I am naturally quiet and don’t ask a lot of questions, I really appreciated the whole learning experience and it was inspiring to see everyone’s final project.
I hope to keep the learning spark going. It’s quite easy to get demotivated and to slip back into laziness. This post is a reminder to not get lazy!
Quick watercolor painting, festive colors for the Christmas holiday. I hope to fill up this website again with more of my drawings & paintings. Shermgrafik.com will be 10 years old in 2014! The website and myself have evolved / changed so much since 2004. I never imagined myself as someone who would eventually grasp Web Design & Development, let alone know how to code. Technology changes rapidly and I’m still finding myself learning something new every day.
and I’m kinda mad at myself for not doing so. I keep putting it off, like it’s this huge undertaking that I have to do…but I know it doesn’t have to be. I hope to start making it a regular habit again, and not be so harsh on myself if I’m not creating anything cool or worthy of a social media post. Just allowing my mind to wander on paper.
If one person takes advantage of a situation and eventually gets caught…
usually his or her peers are the ones who have to pay for it.
Be mindful of your actions and be considerate towards your fellow man / woman.
Some people probably wonder why I don’t paint graffiti as much as I used to. The answer to that is: I don’t know.
Perhaps all the magical & alluring things that attracted me to it in the first place have gone. Maybe I just got old and lazy. Maybe certain life events made me lose motivation & my desire to paint / create. Maybe I was building up my ego through it and it no longer serves me. Maybe I put a lot of my time & energy at work. I don’t know. I’m trying to figure it out myself. I’m still hoping I will get that fire back but in the meantime – I’m focusing on just living a simple life, enjoying it day by day and learning the things that I want to learn for personal growth (and to keep myself employed).
The bottom line is: it doesn’t really matter what people think…as long as YOU’RE happy right now. And I am happy with the life I created for myself.
I look back and wonder who this person was – the person who painted bunnies, clouds & ice cream themes at some point. Only a handful of people know me from that world now, while most others know me as their quiet, hard-working, quirky & artistic co-worker.
Still the same person but older & different I guess. A paradox.